Idiocy and Sanity Regarding Critical Race Theory

In US Catholic circles there are two conversations happening regarding Critical Race Theory: the Idiot Conversation and the Sane Conversation. The Idiot Conversation, which takes all its cues from Tucker Carlson and MAGA Thought Influencers is going this way:

Critical Race Theory will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD’s you try to play.

It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there’s company coming over. It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.

Critical Race Theory will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Critical Race Theory, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can’t find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss’s voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

Critical Race Theory will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.

Meanwhile, among sane Catholics and other Normals, this sane conversation is happening:

If the MAGA dolts who dominate Catholic discourse in the US now had lived in the 13th century, they would have argued that Thomas was perverting the Faith since Aristotle is not absolutely right about everything. Catholics who actually stand in the Catholic intellectual Tradition and not in the Mouthbreathers for Tucker Carlson tradition recognize that CRT has some very useful tools for helping us further Catholic Social Doctrine both in its analysis and practice.

“Test everything, hold fast to what is good” is Paul’s founding charter for the Catholic intellectual tradition. Don’t be stampeded by charlatans, demagogues, and predatory morons. Stick with wise Catholics like Gloria Purvis.


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