“Mark!”, cry readers here (in comments you never see because I delete them) and on my Facebook page, “You claim to believe in the first amendment, but you delete things I try to post! How can you defend such hypocrisy?”
Easily. The first amendment applies to the state, not to my blog or FB page. If you act like a dick on my wall or in my comboxes, I have neither a moral nor a spiritual nor a legal obligation to platform you or waste a nanosecond talking to you because the first amendment does not compel me to provide you a platform, nor forbid me from blocking you. And, indeed, Jesus clearly says that I should neither cast my pearls before swine nor give what is sacred to dogs (Matthew 7:6).
You, protected by your 1A rights, may freely post on your own wall, or start a blog, or post tweets on Elon Musk’s Nazi site or whatever you please. But I no more am obliged to let you use my blog or Facebook page to inflict your garbage on my readers than I am to welcome you into my living room and let you use my PC to spam everybody I know with p*rn.
I am a benevolent, just, wise, and omnipotent tyrant on my own blog and Facebook wall, wielding the power of life and death over the thoughts that get to be expressed here. L’etat, c’est Moi! And in this monarchy, you have no first amendment rights.
One reader objected to this, saying:
“‘Don’t be a dick’ is not a clear contract. In the real world, this kind of contract is void for vagueness and for being unenforceable.
I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: your wall is nothing like your living room. You are in charge of it, and no one has a right to post on it, but what you write is not private in a way even remotely close to what you say in your living room is private.”
Nor do I say it is. What I say on my blog or Facebook wall I share with all in my royal largesse and generosity to a benighted world badly in need of my luminous wisdom. You’re welcome.
But what others are allowed to share on my wall lives or dies by my will alone, for I am sole sovereign here and do not owe dicks (whom I alone discern and judge by my sovereign insight) a moment of my time. Again, you’re welcome.
Sometimes, I move even myself deeply by how gosh darn good and all powerful, yet humble, I am. It is a mystery to me why more readers do not write poetry in my honor to celebrate my glory.
Nonetheless, you are all welcome!
To this, reader Jonathan Stephens replied, as is only my due, with the following encomium:
**Sovereign Reflections**
In the realm of my own making, where my wisdom lights the way,
I bestow my gracious insights to a world in disarray.
On this wall, my words are treasures, shared with all in needful lands,
Yet who speaks here is my choosing, held within my sovereign hands.Oh, how deeply I am moved by my own humble, noble heart,
It’s a mystery unbounded why no odes to me impart.
But fret not, for I forgive you, with a smile and open arms,
You’re all welcome in my kingdom, basking in my boundless charms.
That’s the stuff. Keep that sort of grateful patriotism up and I may well increase your rations of grog and black bread.
You’re welcome!
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2 Responses
Good show! Don’t let right wing trolls spew their nonsense on your website, like National Catholic Register, which is a de facto Trump fan club. They only publish Trump puff pieces. Keep up the good work.
Mostly I just enjoy your writing. As in this post, it’s often what I wish I would have written. Thanks!